I am starting to pay attention

Today I had one of those God thing interventions. I am in a city that hosts about 90,000 people during high season. The traffic is thick and the grocery stores are insanely congested. In two days, I have made it to two different beaches. My goal is to try the multiple beaches out and do it for free. So today, after discussing my goal with my drunken  neighbor Packer fans, I ventured to Little Hickory Island Beach. GPS said 9 miles away but a twenty minute drive. I guess GPS understands it's high season here because the time to travel  was exact. I arrived early enough to see two parking lots, one with direct access to the beach and one across the street. I chose the across the street parking based on my recollection of the conversation with the cheese heads.  After parking I cautiously read the signs in the lot. There was no kiosk to pay to park yet the signs didn't indicate free. Throwing caution to the wind, I grabbed my beach chair and walked across the street to the beach. The direct access lot had the greedy kiosk charging 2 bucks an hour to park and I grinned at myself for taking the time to walk thirty steps across the street for free parking. I surveyed the lot and was happy to see restrooms and showers. A few couples were sitting near the restrooms, I assumed waiting to use them. Within 2 minutes of exiting my car, I was firmly planted on the beach with my nifty beach chair. This beach chair has a nice head cushion, side pocket that is insulated for keeping drinks cool and reclines into four different positions. I am the envy of beach goers, I feel it. Settling in with my sunscreen on and book out, I had a sudden attack of anxiety. Did I leave my  new COACH wristlet purse thingy visible in my truck?  Without hesitation, I trekked back to the car and took that little wristlet and hid it in my console...remembering my occupational roots.

Walking back across the street, I decided that using the restroom was in order so I could settle back into my peaceful place without the next interruption. I know the beach souls were shaking their heads saying can't she just settle down?  As I approached the restroom, I noticed a couple sitting at the near picnic table. The man had his head down, peering into his cell phone and the woman was curiously looking at me. Immediately I checked the status of my new bathing suit, no camel toe...check, no girls hanging out..check. Feeling somewhat self conscious, I glanced again at the man with head down. In a town of 90,000 people, I realized I knew this man. He appeared thinner and younger...wait his head is down...maybe it's not....approaching closer...his significant other realized I was staring at her man..I quietly said "I know your husband."  At that moment he looked up and it was a former colleague from the Illinois Department of Corrections. Two days in a city where I thought no one knew my name and he exclaimed loudly, "Hello Chief Denning!"  I quickly reintroduced myself as Deb and to make a long story short, we made plans for happy hour at 5 pm. They gave me quick instructions on casual attire and a pick up in their convertible. Between the time our meting, my new friend texted me to move the happy hour up, to give me visual on what she was wearing, and to say she was excited about getting to know me better. I was familiar with her husband but her attentiveness made me feel at ease for our happy hour event. They arrived promptly and made me feel warm and at ease.

  Throughout the evening, we shared few IDOC stories and focused on the typical "tell me about your family, your plans for the future, and what are your interests." They did not have an awkward silence when I gave them the now rehearsed answer of "I don't know what I want next or who I am, or what my interests are." Instead my new woman friend nodded kindly and said, "I totally understand, and you will experience an adventure in finding out." I felt an instant peace with her. There is something to be said with getting to know someone who has no preconceived notions about you. After dinner and a drink, my new friends took me for an hour and a half drive of the area, pointing out their favorite restaurants, happy hours, shopping malls, and grocery stores. Everything was an adventure to them and I took great pleasure at being immersed in their enthusiasm. I mentioned some of the beaches, sites, and restaurants that I had researched...to which she enthusiastically exclaimed, "Oh call me, I will drive us there in my convertible." She was genuine, she was warm, she was adventuresome, and she was infectiously happy.

As I recapped the night in my quiet bedroom, I realized I was led to this woman for a reason. Knowingly or unknowingly to her, she handed me a lesson... look at discovering yourself as an adventure. Open your eyes and enjoy the ride. She held a key, she held peace and happiness in her heart. Our paths crossing was not by chance but by destiny. She was one of those souls who had a message and I am beginning to listen.

Tails from the Beach

I feel like my life is in a metamorphosis stage.  Hell, I don't feel it, I know it. Some folks live their whole lives and don't even realize when life lessons present themselves. When I feel this way, I have the flight syndrome.  I need to escape, need to clear my head, and need to find my peaceful place. If you have explored this blog, you can see that the ocean is my spiritual temple.  I feel the souls there, replenishing their energy. I feel a higher power there when I listen to the sounds of the ocean and feel the sea air on my face. 

So this is my second escape to my spiritual temple in two months.  The November trip taught me a lot about  facing fear. It also served me up closure for the death of my brother.  I had been angry with him and didn't want to look at the core issues that related to his death.  I knew what they were, I just didn't want to ingest them. In doing so, it reopened wounds I thought were sealed over from my family of origin. I took the history book off of the shelf, opened it and allowed myself to read it one more time.  This time, a new chapter formed where my brother's pain finally ended. At his own hands. 

He visited me that week and guided me to closure.  He is at peace and has a peace that he  never felt in his earthly life.  For that I am grateful and I feel a sense of peace when I think of him.

Here I am, again, at the beach.  This time for a three month journey.  A journey to find a peaceful place with where I am at this very minute and who I will become next.   As I sat at the beach today, I asked God to allow me to decompress from my career, from my relationships, and from my self imposed anxiety.  The most difficult journey will be the self imposed path. I realize that about myself and will try not to dwell on my failures with my distant friend, the mirror.

As I opened my eyes after my conversation with my higher power, I stared right at a man with white shorts on (not even swim trunks).  His shorts were soaked and he badly needed a Brazilian wax. That tells you what body part was right in my face.  I thought, God really does have a sense of humor.  That furry white tailed man was put right in front of me to say "Lighten up."

There is a theme in these chapters if you look hard enough.  A word that is used more than any of the other words.  PEACE.   Yes this journey is again about PEACE...and about finding the silliness again.  Finding the things that make me giggle and smile.  They are here, all around me, I just have to pay attention.  So while you are all surrounded by a sea of white, remember that I saw white too today...at the beach...and it will forever be engrained in my memory.

PEACE OUT.