Insomnia

I've been awake since about 3 am.  Yeah one of those nights where my brain doesn't shut off. I met a serial killer this week.  She was the same age as my oldest daughter. She entered the room to meet me with a bounce in her  step and a big smile on her face. When she spoke, she had a soft, endearing voice. She shot 4 men dead.  She did this with her cousin, another female who will be spending the rest of her life in prison.  We talked about her personal safety in prison since there have been death threats. How ironic is that?  Her story was the same as the first female serial killer put to death in Florida, Aileen Wuornos. You might remember the move, MONSTER.  Years of abuse took it's toll and rage surfaced. This week when I sat with her, I saw no rage just a big smile.  No concerns about spending the rest of her life in prison. How do you decide one day to go on a killing spree with your cousin? Kill 4 men in a blinded rage?

Today my day was consumed with a woman who was being discharged from prison.  She so badly didn't want to go home that she damaged property before she left.  She left in handcuffs headed to jail for the damage. She was angry and mentally unstable.  Prison was a safe place for her.  We couldn't keep her in prison, she had exhausted her sentence.

I sometimes feel like these things are put in my face for a reason. Twice in a week I have encountered ladies who seem content with a life in prison.  Histories of abuse are rampant with these people, they pass their pain on by committing a crime.  It's becomes a vicious circle.  What is GOD trying to tell me with these presentations put directly in front of me? I know I can't fix evil, I know I can't shelter and protect. I can only lay awake at night and talk to GOD about it. Look for the message that lies within.

I feel like I live in a parallel universe. Dining with one of my favorite young friends tonight, he came forward with one of his "Gabeism's"..he said "Don't say HATE and Don't say STUPID." He went to a bullying workshop today at school.   Maybe it starts with something as simple as that.

Nights like this leave me verklempt.  The word of the day is coming in handy.